Rock the season you are in
Rocking the season that you are in may feel daunting, especially if you are desiring what someone else has.
Single and wishing you were in the ‘perfect’ marriage you see your friends in?
Married and wishing you could be ‘free and wild’ like your single friends?
A mother and wishing you had more ME time like your friends without children?
A woman without children wishing you had little scavengers running around your feet like your best friend?
Tune into this weeks podcast as we dive into what it means to rock the season you are in so that you can ATTRACT the season you desire.
Ultimately, whether single, married or otherwise, it is important to find happiness for yourself first. Ideally one happy and independent person should match with another happy and independent person.
For this podcast we will focus mainly on being single and what that means as that is what was brought to the table. Here are some thoughts on single living;
People’s single lives are often portrayed as a sort of purgatory they are forced to endure until they find their soul mates. So much so that a 2008 study published in the European Journal of Social Psychology found that single people are often thought to be unhappy by others.
But experts say these stereotypes couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, the 2008 study also found that single people self-reported levels of well-being that was similar to participants in relationships. And there are plenty of benefits that come along with living your life free of a romantic relationship. Here are a few, according to experts:
Your mind is uncluttered
“Believe it or not, relationships are ‘mentally’ expensive,” says relationship expert and bestselling author, Susan Winter. “Intimacy and partnership takes up a lot of space in our heads. Even though much of this is happening unconsciously, there’s simply a lesser capacity for individually focused thought.” Conversely, “being single is an act of purging the clutter and making room for new thoughts (and dreams) to breathe and grow
Open to go with the flow of what life throws your way
being single can make people more willing to roll with the punches, experts say.
Free from the constraints of having a partner, people’s lives suddenly become totally and completely their own, according to Dardashti. There’s nobody hindering you from setting out to chase your ambitions. “You’re more likely to take risks and have adventures and have more novelty within your journey,” she says.
Time to get in touch with yourself
“People say a lot of times, when they’re in relationships, that they’ve lost themselves,” says Dr. Dardashti. “And that’s largely because we stop doing things independently.”
She says that in relationships, people risk losing touch with themselves because they have less time alone to focus on their own personal development. “When you’re alone, it creates opportunity for being more in touch with something inside of you,” she says.
Chance to figure out what you want in life
Dr. Jenny Taitz, clinical psychologist and author of How to Be Single and Happy, looks at being single as your chance to figure out your own personal “mission statement.” She says this is the critical time to figure out who you are and what you stand for.
“When we’re not in a relationship we really have some time to get clear about what matters to us and what we value,” she explains.
And that is the time when you can recalibrate and reflect on lessons learned from past relationships. “Being single is the perfect time to reassess who you are and where you want to be in life,” says Winter. “What changes do you want to make? What classes, associations, or new attitudes would you like to develop? You now have the time and the ability to focus on the one consistent factor that will create the change you’re seeking– yourself.”
Look at it as best case for right now
Being in a relationship isn’t always the optimal choice for everyone and varies by season one is in. “If we think of three options, one option is to be happy when you’re single, another option is to be unhappy in a relationship, another option is to be unhappily single,”-“Being single and happy seems like the only viable option for someone who’s looking for love and is not finding it.”
In order to truly become happily single, Dr. Taitz suggests practicing mindfulness. “So much of happiness has to do with living in the present moment,” she says. And doing this will enrich enrich other aspects of your life, too.
Opportunity to be financial independent
One of the perks people often attribute to relationships is the ability for both partners to share responsibilities and financial burdens. But experts say that being single can actually incentivize you to be more frugal and financially independent.
Make self care a priority
“Partnership can be wonderful,” Winter says. “We have someone with whom to share our ups and downs, as they do with us. But when we’re single, we’re required to focus on the areas of our lives that need attention.”
She cautions that these areas — such as working out, socializing with friends, taking time to focus on personal aspirations and spending time alone — often get pushed aside in relationships amid our need to assist others. “While single, there’s no distraction that pulls us away from our own self-care and personal development,” she notes.
Learn to enjoy own company
Being single doesn’t necessarily need to be synonymous with being lonely. In fact, experts say that you can actually gain an appreciation for time alone.
“It’s liberating to discover that we can enjoy our own company,” says Winter. “Being content in our own company frees us from the need to chase others.” When we learn to enjoy being alone, we become more selective about the company we choose—spending time with only those who improve our lives and contribute to our wellbeing, according to Winter.
Boost your confidence levels
“When you’re alone, there’s a strength that almost has to be there,” says Dr. Dardashti. “We tend to sometimes rely on our partners for a lot more than what we need to.” As a result, she says that being single provides an opportunity to tap into one’s inner strengths, which in turn can actually manifest in a greater level of confidence.
“Solitude breeds self-reflection, and self-reflection breed’s confidence,” adds Winter. “Absolute solitude is almost impossible when you’re in a partnership. We always have our partner in our thoughts.”
And this confidence cultivated in solitude will eventually trickle into all of your relationships.
Work on being your best self so that you attract someone else being their best self. This includes your current relationships.
