You may not like what I have to say

This post isn’t going to resonate with some of you.  And if you are in a headspace where a pointed and direct opinion won’t be helpful, then may I suggest you skip this post until you have more free space in your heart and mind (listen…we all have times in our life where we wanna tell someone with an opinion to suck it..so no judgement here either way).

For those of you still hanging out, you have been warned.

I don’t usually offer ‘aggressive’ opinions (or not very often anyhow).  Mostly because we are all so very different and on different journeys and one persons opinion isn’t a ‘one size fits all’ way of thinking or living.  Consider this post the same.  It isn’t a one size fits all.  However, I am gonna tell it to ya straight as I have seen it play out in thousands of lives.

Quit damn complaining.  

Your boss sucks?  Job is terrible?  So what.

Your spouse or significant other is an ass, or not living up to your expectations? So what.

Your weight loss journey isn’t going the way you want?  So what.

Your finances are scary right now?  So what.

Think about whatever it is you’re complaining about right now.  Picture it.  Imagine it.  And then ask yourself, so what?

Really.  

So.  What? 

What is complaining doing for you about these things?  Nothing.  

Not.  A.  Damn.  Thing. 

Except making you sick by stressing you out further.  

Do you wake up and one of the first thoughts you have is: 

• “ugh I feel terrible”.  Or,
• “my body hurts…I am getting old”. Or,
• “my love life sucks”.  Or,
• “f*ck I have to go to work”. Or,
• “I didn’t sleep well…like usual”. Or,
• “insert the sh*t you are complaining about”

If the answer is yes, you right away start your day off by injecting negative energy in your headspace and releasing stressful hormones into your system.  You are literally starting your day off making yourself sick with stress.  And then you compound it throughout the day as you continue to complain.  

Complaining KEEPS you in negative space by pushing you to look for new and more things to complain about.  Which means you are actually attracting more bad shi*t to you.  

Complaining keeps you problem focused vs solution focused- so you are literally UNABLE to get out of the situation you are in because you are focused only (or mostly) on what is wrong.   

Complaining attracts other complainers to you.   It can even become a battle of who has more to complain about.

This doesn’t mean that bad sh*t doesn’t happen.   It does.  Sort of.  However, most bad shit are really just opportunities to learn and grow.

Ya ya I know.  Insert eye roll here.

But the hard truth is, our challenges are simply AFGO’s.  

Another.  F*cking.  Growth.  Opportunity. 

From the small to the big (however you want to measure your sh*t).

Sh*t does happen.   And we can choose to learn and grow… or complain.  I am here to tell you though: complaining isn’t the answer.   It is a big part of the problem.

So what do you do to create a more solution focused approach to challenges in life?

You know the answer if you are reading this far.  

Stop complaining. 

And yes, it is easier said than done.  

Most people complain.  A lot.  And have done it for years.  So we have to reprogram.  We have to create new neuropathways in the brain. 

Here is a 3 step way to do that:

1. Practice.
2. Create an accountability system.
3. Practice.

On my retreats, I walk participants through steps on how to eliminate (or drastically reduce) complaining in their lives.   I have adapted this from Will Bowen’s A complaint Free World process.   If you haven’t heard of him or his book, I highly recommend it. 

The first step, practice, is to remind us that we have been complaining a really long ass time.  So it is gonna take practice to stop.  A lot of it.  The good news is we get to practice all day long.  But to do that we need an accountability system.  And it isn’t a good idea to have a PERSON be that system.  I will expand more on why that isn’t a good idea shortly.

One system I use is a bracelet.  I choose one that is durable (this is important).  And something lovely that I like to look at.  A beaded one that will match whatever you wear works well.   

Then I:

• Start by placing the bracelet on one wrist (either works)
• Every time I complain, out loud, I move the bracelet to the other wrist
• My goal is to get to 30 consecutive days without complaining out loud
• Each time I complain I am starting back at day one (so yes, if I get to 15 days straight without complaining, but on day 16 I do complain, I start my count back to day one)

What happens when you do this?

1. You become conscious of your words
2. You start to look for things to talk about that is not complaining (you LOOK FOR GOOD SH*T)
3. Your life changes

Like any new practice in life, it takes time.  You will get frustrated (and want to complain about not complaining!).  That is why you keep practicing.   And practicing.  And practicing….

You may even get to a point where you don’t want to talk at all.  That is ok too.  Take that time to reflect internally.  To quiet some of the noise. 

The FIRST time I did this, it took me over 6 months to get to 30 days.  

And every other year or so I still have to get back to it.  It is very (VERY) easy to slip back onto a complaining mindset.  We are programed to look for what is wrong (you know that whole flight or fight survival mode thing), so we have to work a bit harder to NOT complain.

But when you stop complaining- it is LIFE CHANGING.  

Once you move past the frustration (about a week or so into it) you will start to notice your relationships changing.  Because you are looking for what is right vs what is wrong, you will find more things that are RIGHT.  And for those relationships that are life suckers, you might move on (or put more distance in there)- which is also a LIFE CHANGER.

Some suggestions if you decide to try this:

• Don’t tell anyone.  At least not for the first month or so.  Eventually people will ASK YOU WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE because they will feel the incredible energy radiating from you.  You can tell them then if you choose.
  • • • Why don’t you tell anyone?  Here is the thing- if you tell uncle Joe that you are doing this no complaining thing with a bracelet, and then uncle Joe hears you complain, he is not gonna miss an opportunity to remind you of your self challenge- “hey you just complained… move that bracelet!” (but imagine it with sarcasm…as sometimes people are triggered by others who are trying to improve their lives).  Not everyone will joke about it, but a lot will.  And that will get annoying.  And we wanna to try to remove as many annoyances as possible as we embark on this journey, k? 

• Get a durable bracelet.  Not gonna lie here, you will move that bracelet a lot, especially at first.  So make sure it is one that will last.

• Don’t worry about the complaining thoughts you have.  Those will catch on eventually.  So if you think a complaint, it doesn’t count.  We are only focusing on what we SAY.  Trust me, eventually your thoughts will start to change too.  
• Know the difference between a complaint and a statement. This self challenge doesn’t mean  you don’t recognize difficult things.  But the intention behind your words matter (and only you really know the difference).  And keep this old adage in mind: if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.  Here are is small an example of complaint vs statement:
  • • • • It is over 100 degrees out. So a complaint would look like, “omg it is so f’ing hot outside I hate it”.  A statement would look like, “it is pretty hot out, might want to drink extra water”.
• Add in judgment, criticism and gossip.  After a week or so of practicing not complaining, add in judgment, criticism and gossip too.  Anytime do you one of those out loud, move your bracelet.  THEN REALLY WATCH YOUR LIFE CHANGE.

Are you ready to change your life?  A gentle reminder to give yourself grace, practice humor throughout and maybe join me on this self challenge.

I got you.  And I believe in you.

PS- we just celebrated our grand opening/ribbon cutting for Retreat Ranch yesterday.  AND oh my heart is so damn full.  I hope to see you guys at the ranch!