Hi babes! I hope you’ve all been doing well and enjoying everything pumpkin spice and the beautifully curated spooky Halloween neighborhood décor! Today, I found myself ruminating about, well, life. It seems that no matter what we do, there are always these hidden pain and complex issues that follow us around almost permanently. Where’s the happiness, that yellow brick road to euphoria? When the hell does happiness stay put? It can feel daunting; I know from my own personal experience and my extensive work with my clients. The truth is there’s no one size fits all for happiness and the expectation that you’ll permanently experience this is false positivity. Let’s chat a little bit about that today, shall we? Grab some coffee or green tea (or tequila) and let’s get into it.
Where the Hell Can I Find this Permanent State of Happiness?
Have you ever looked at the self-help book section and thought, what the ever-living f*&K? Often, the shelves in bookstores are weighed down with thick (or uber thin) books promising various methods to find happiness. If you’re buying via Amazon Kindle or Audible or iTunes, it is the same darn thing. The lists are long, overly categorized and if I’m being honest, some of their ad recommendations are downright annoying.
No matter your preferred method of reading, there seems to be a self-help book for every possible scenario you can think of and personally encounter. I mean, I should know, I wrote my own bestseller too, Surrender.
Yes, good self-help books are useful guides for self-exploration and self-development, but they are not magical books that will turn everything upright. And as a caution, those that tell you to slap a smile on your face and be happy, regardless of the scenario, be it death or joblessness, are just annoying and really more myth than useful. In fact, it’s false positivity and those writers may be either unrealistic or hypocrites* (I am sure there are a few exceptions to this, so don’t come after me, yet).
*Disclaimer: No shade intended- just keeping it 100.
Here’s the Thing- There’s No Permanent State of Happiness
We can all agree that life is full of challenges, many of which pop out of the woodwork and upend our lives. When that happens, it’s appropriate to take a moment to be angry or sad. These are real feelings given to us by the universe that, believe it or not, help us to cope. There is no permanent state of happiness. As with all things the answer lays in finding some equanimity. Even more, there’s no one size fits all happiness strategy for all seven billion people on the planet.
Think about it. There are a million things we can do, per the multitude of happiness checklists out there, that will still leave some echo of trauma with some of us but not others.
- Someone who meditates daily can still struggle with anger and hold onto pain.
- Someone who exercises and eats healthy can still be unhappy and feel like $h!t.
- Someone who drinks alcohol and is poor can still be happy AND fulfilled.
- Someone who is overweight (by whose f’ing standard??) and single can be joyful and completely in love with their life.
- Someone who is rich and married with a kind heart and wonderful family can still feel sad daily, with no obvious reason why.
- A vegan can be happy. Or not.
- Yoga teacher can be miserable. Or not.
- A successful CEO can still feel less than. Or not.
Do you see where I am going with this? How do we feel happy, joyful, fulfilled, successful? What is the right ‘recipe’??
- None of it.
- All of it.
- Some of it?
I have a theory. You might not like it.
My Theory on Coping & Finding Your Personal Happiness When You Can
You may have noticed my theory involves an acknowledgement that no one sits around permanently blissed out on joy. We are complex individuals with a multitude of feelings, ticks, and traumas. The answer to deal with life’s issue can never be “just try to be happy!”. Like all things, happiness is available to all but permanently promised to no one, at least not 24/7 or 365 days a year.
Instead, I want you to consider adopting the following attitudes and habits to realistically cope with life:
- Release expectations (surrendering to what is) without sacrificing your desires and dreams
- Accept everyone where they are, but hold ourselves to specific disciplines that speak to us (not what a magazine or the latest fade said we should/shouldn’t do)
- Take a beat to be quiet and still. It should be long enough to hear yourself. Often, the answers we seek can be found within.
- Choose love, above all else. Love yourself and find things to love around you. It can be big (like romance) or small (taking an hour a day to listen to your favorite music).
In the next blog I will attempt to break this down into bite size pieces. But until then, take heart. There may NOT be a one size fits all strategizes when it comes to happiness- but there is a one size that fits YOU.
Oh! Before I go, a bit of a shameless plug here, my book, Surrender became a best seller a bit back and we have a new cover to celebrate! Yippee! If you have the time, check it out on Amazon Kindle, Audible or order the hardcover book. As with all things, although it’s a self-help book, I keep it real. I focus on the YOU factor and I don’t promise you permanent happiness, I help you find surrender and your version of personal fulfilment.
Ta for now!
XOXO
Shannon
