Hello my loves! I hope you’re all doing well. Today’s post is very personal, I want to share how comparisons negatively affects our mental health. I’ve always been forthcoming about my mental health journey; I’ve found sharing my stories have helped others to identify and cope with their own mental health challenges. Let’s work on removing those comparison shades, shall we?
Where the Need for Comparisons Begin
At an early age, we are often complimented by well-meaning adults. They used words like beautiful, pretty, smart, intelligent, and whatever polite and apt adjectives that best suited us then. These accolades do wonders for one’s self-esteem, who doesn’t want to hear they’re something special? But there is a catch to these glowing compliments. Sometimes when we praise kids this way, we’re often ascribing labels for them/us to chase.
For some people, including me, these labels gave me validation and made me feel needed. I had a bar to live up to, I mentally started to measure the weight of words used to describe me, versus others around me. Why was she gorgeous? Why was he intelligent? Why was I only pretty and smart? And so, the habit of making comparisons began to dig firm roots in my young head. I was constantly unsettled and perpetually plagued by the idea that I needed to be good enough and better than others.
In my book Surrender, I share the dark depths to which this negative habit brought me, mentally, emotionally, and physically. I also share how I learned to manage it, even to this day. If I can do it, so can you.
Managing the need for Comparisons
I can unequivocally say that living a life without constant comparisons is freeing. However, I’ve put a series of checks and balances in place to manage my mental health in a way that deters this habit. You know I’m not one to put on airs, the reality is this is so ingrained in our culture, it’s a hard one to break. To borrow from my book:
“Comparison, the close cousin of judgement, happens to most of us on a daily – hourly – momently basis – and it requires vigilance to alter the cycle! When we compare ourselves to others, we not only disregard and disrespect our own unique value, but we miss out on the joy of celebrating others and realizing that there is enough awesomeness in life for everyone.”
Shannon Jamail, Surrender: A journey towards a fulfilled life (p. 48).
Life is so precious and short; we cannot allow comparison to be a roadblock to love. We are all wonderful and unique humans who deserve to feel happy, worthy, and special.
Comparison Checklist
Here’s are three key things that can help you evaluate if you’re blinded by comparisons.
- You can’t celebrate the success of those around you. You feel as though when they’re winning it, you’re failing.
- When fortune favors anyone else but you, you’re left wondering why it didn’t come your way.
- You’re constantly justifying your position in life, be it career, love, success, and any other metric of evaluation we use to gauge our self-worth.
Here’s an extra one:
- You evaluate your current stage in life based on where you stand in comparison to your peers.
All of these feelings are harsh judgements, and assumptions, that blind you to your own blessings and achievements. What’s even sadder is that in the game of comparison, you’ll never completely feel like the winner.
Freedom
I mentioned earlier that I’ve never felt freer since managing this self-sabotaging habit. Instead of limiting myself to the comparison of those around me, I’ve been able to break the mold and discover new and amazing things about me, and guess what? I’ve found I’m f’ing amazing in my own unique way. You’re f’ing amazing too because you too bring something unique and beautiful to the world. Why else would you be here?
When you encounter a situation where you feel the need to compare, ask yourself these two questions:
Do I need to compare and tear down? Or can I celebrate and be motivated instead?
The latter will brings HAPPINESS, LOVE, and PEACE OF MIND. When we appreciate and celebrate the success of others, we create a cycle of encouragement. This will only attract good things to us, WHEN (not if) our time comes. We just need to lose those comparison shades to recognize it, live it and enjoy it.
XOXO Shannon
