Recently, I was interviewed on a podcast, and my book, Surrender, was brought up. One of the things I felt passionately about explaining when it comes to surrendering is that we are not surrendering our power. We are surrendering our control.
Why Surrender?
Before we explore the nuances of surrendering control versus surrendering power, let’s address the elephant in the room: why would anyone want to surrender in the first place?
The answer lies in our daily experiences, marked by frustration, dissatisfaction, and a ceaseless need for things to unfold precisely as we envision. Controlling life’s variables takes a toll, making us crave a different approach.
As Eckhart Tolle wisely says,
“Always say ‘yes’ to the present moment.”
Resistance to the ‘now’ leads to suffering. So, if saying “yes” to life can lead us to inner peace and empowerment, shouldn’t we consider what it means to surrender truly?
The Subtle Difference Between Control and Power
Now, let’s address the core issue: **surrendering control** is not the same as **surrendering power**. The two may seem similar but are vastly different in essence and impact.
Surrendering Control
When we talk about control, we refer to our futile attempts to manage the myriad variables in our lives. This could range from people’s behavior to outcomes that are mostly, if not entirely, out of our hands. The irony is the more we try to control things around us, the more out of control we feel.
In surrendering control, we release the grip we try to maintain over life’s uncontrollable aspects. This does not mean becoming passive or indifferent but acknowledging the limits of our influence and accepting what is. This acceptance allows us to focus on what we can change: our actions.
Surrendering Power
Power, in contrast, is our inherent ability to influence, create change, and stand firmly in our personal truth. Surrendering power would mean giving up on our capability to shape our lives according to our values, visions, and needs. That is not what we aim for when we talk about surrendering. In fact, by letting go of control, we can direct our energy into venues where we genuinely hold power, becoming more effective as a result.
What Can We Control? Our Actions.
As we’ve established, our actions are the only thing we truly control. By surrendering control over things we can’t influence, we free ourselves to focus on our actions which has a much greater impact on how we feel.
Recognize that even your thoughts, although sometimes considered under our control, can only be guided through deliberate action. Your thoughts are shaped by years of conditioning- though this doesn’t mean they have to dictate your life if you want to make a change. By focusing on your actions, you can influence your thoughts and emotions, channeling them toward a more positive and empowered state of being.
The Freedom in Surrender
The paradox is that by surrendering control, you gain more power. You free up emotional and mental bandwidth by conserving energy spent on futile efforts to control. This newfound space can be invested in actions aligning with your values, goals, and visions, empowering you more than ever before.
The concept of surrender can still maintain its stigmas in a society that values control and power. However, redefining what it means to surrender can free us from self-imposed limitations and open us to greater levels of happiness, peace, and genuine passion.
So, embrace the art of surrendering control but hold steadfastly onto your power, for therein lies the key to a truly fulfilled life.
XOXO Shannon
I’ve got a new book! It’s called The Retreat Leaders Playbook, now available on Amazon or The Retreat Ranch’s website.
