Hi y’all! It’s been very cold out here in Texas. I’m talking ICE storms and the likes. Sheesh! What is going on with Mother Earth and what can we do to make her happy again? Our little corner of Marble Falls, Texas was NOT built for this weather. Veering back on topic, this week we’re talking about the importance of fostering healthy relationships with your tribe. Who’s your tribe you ask? Your people! Your besties! Your loved ones! The people you count on to help you survive in this crazy, crazy world. I’ve got a warm cup of Golden Milk (possibly with a drop of tequila) all prepped. Let’s get into it!
Defining Your Tribe
A tribe is a circle of influence- a close group of individuals that matter to you, that influence you, that support you.
If you’ve read my book Surrender, you’ll see that one of my first brushes with those I wanted to be my tribe, didn’t exactly work out. Ha! If you’ve got the chance to check it out, it includes acid, weed, stolen gas and skinny dipping. Spoiler alert, I didn’t partake.
Regardless, this was also the first time I caught on that I had to be more mindful about who I selected as my tribe. Sadly, this didn’t stop me from living a teenage angst filled existence with negative energy sucking vampires. What can I say? I’ve led a colorful life. As I’m sure you can imagine, I would go on to learn things the hard way, but now I’m at a place in my life where I KNOW I’ve got a great tribe. I want that for you too.
From my story, you can see that the tribe I chose to be a part of in my earlier years, was not…the best. If I’m being completely honest, I wasn’t a saint either. Deep down though, I still yearned for more in life. Instead of causing trouble I wanted a group that,
- When something goes awry in life, I could depend on someone in this group to turn to and who in turn had my back.
- When something is to be celebrated- I could count on them cheering me on and bringing over the wine, cake, and balloons.
- When I f*ck up, I needed a group who lovingly, yet boldly let me know.
It’s not an impossible wish. You deserve to be loved in a safe space and you deserve to give love in a place where it can flourish. I do know one thing, if I can eventually find my chosen tribe, then so can you. Here are some pointers to get there.
The Official Mind Body Complete ‘Finding Your Tribe’ Checklist
Ok, so let me give it to you quick and dirty. You’ve got to have positive energy to attract similar or higher positive energy. You dig? Essentially, if deep down you know you’re an a*hole, take some time to work on you first, then seek out your tribe.
Another factor to be mindful about is that some of your tribe members are just here for a chapter or two, nothing more, nothing less. That’s ok, just enjoy their energy while it is there (and identify when it shouldn’t be any longer). Now let’s talk chitchat about what to look for in a tribe; it’s checklist time!
Tribe Checklist
- When you are with your friends, you feel comfortable enough to be yourself. You find comfort in silence; the positive energies are enough to sustain the tribe in that moment.
- When you leave your friend group you feel healed and lifted. There are no worrying thoughts about if you misstepped or accidentally offended. There’s no looming gut feeling that there will be some retribution later either. This is because you know deep down, they love and accept you for YOU.
- A great tribe means there’s democracy all around. There is no queen bee or king bee (wait those don’t exist). Everyone contributes their ideas and opinions to the group. Everyone might not agree on everything all the time, but what is agreed on is the foundation of respect for each person to co-exist and shine.
- There is no deep urge to fix your friend(s). Even if you’re a licensed therapist, this is not your job to do with friends. You’re not their therapist and if they need work, they need to work through it themselves, or with a different professional (not to say you are not there to listen, just not to FIX). I’ve been here before so heed my warning, if you encounter this run far, far away.
- Conversations with your friends are light, open, warm, and loving (even during a tiff). You should be able to reflect on these moments randomly and smile or laugh a loud about your most recent tribal excursions.
- This is another warning; you should never feel anxious or mentally drained at the thought of being in their presence. Again, if you find yourself in this spot, RUN FAR and FAST! Channel your best Usain Bolt and hightail it out of there.
The Importance of Fostering Your Relationship with Your Tribe
While some of us may be deluded enough to think they live alone on an island, humans are social creatures, so we NEED people. Even if you move to an isolated cabin at the top of a mountain, someone out there is more than likely concerned if you’re doing ok. Ditto for being stranded on that lonely island. There’s a reason that Tom Hanks made that volleyball his friend in the movie Cast Away, he needed a tribe. He needed a support system that mimicked human interaction, some way somehow.
It’s important that we take the time to foster our relationships with our tribe. Just as we crave that support, we in turn must be supportive. Just as we crave that positive energy, we too must be a light in a dark passage. Check in with your friends, do it often.
Anywho, just so you know, I consider team #MindBodyComplete one of my tribes. I’m grateful everyday I’m able to connect with you on Instagram and Facebook or even through this newsletter.
See you right here next week! Oh, and do me a favor, let me know in the comment section below how YOU foster your tribe.
XOXO Shannon
