Ugly truth: I lost my sh*t yesterday 

Since buying and planning out Retreat Ranch, we have had some pretty incredible things to celebrate.  We have learned so much (some things we didn’t know we needed to learn).  And we have had some pretty shitty experiences too.  Though, now, in retrospect (isn’t that view always clearer??), even the shitty experiences were things we needed to learn/experience.

Like yesterday.

First, let me backtrack to our past winter.  When Texas experienced winter storms ‘like never before’.  During the 8 days of hell, Nathan and I learned how to survive without water and electricity and how to melt snow on a propane stove in order to keep the horses and chickens hydrated.  We learned what it felt like to have snow burned/chapped fingers, and just how cold negative double digits was, while hauling water around and trying to prevent further damage everywhere we could.  We lost some pipes, a lot of trees and roads washed out- but, everyone was safe and ultimately we learned some serious skills we didn’t know we could (or should) learn.

Now.  The past two months Texas has seen some springs storms and rain/flooding/winds ‘like never before’ during this time of year, and while it has been super frustrating to build out our ranch with this weather, it is nothing to the stress of watching what you build blow away.  Or flood.  Yesterday was a tipping point for me.

You may or may not know, but part of our center has a couple of yurt accommodations. Which we love.  And which we set up so that they can withstand up to 55 MPH winds.  Really more than that as they are also cocooned in trees.  And so far they have withstood some pretty severe storms and winds and even Tornado warning winds.  Yesterday they had, had enough.  After 70 MPH wind gusts blew through in conjunction with heavy rain and hail, one of the poles snapped and the other bent.   In addition to some massive flooding on property, severely washed out roads and more broken trees.

I was crushed.

To be quite frank, when we found out, I proceeded to drop my girls off at camp, came back home and crawled into bed.   As I laid in bed, listening to yet another thunderstorm beat the shit out of us, I really wanted to just throw in the towel.  I was listening to months of hard work being washed away and it was crushing my soul.  I felt defeated, devastated and I just couldn’t snap out of it- even though I knew I needed to get my ass in gear and try to minimize further damages.  However, honestly, I couldn’t move and was paralyzed with sadness, grief and anger.  Nathan, of course, was already in action and it wasn’t until I heard a bit of panic in his voice when he told me the ‘dry’ creek bed was flooding and that we couldn’t get to the horses that I finally snapped out of it.   Where as moments before I was visualizing tearing down all the yurts and, along with the brand new one we have yet to put up, throw them in a big fire and dance and scream around them like an absolute lunatic, I was now rushing out into the storm to ensure the horses were ok.

In my pity party I was throwing, I lost sight of what was really important. And it wasn’t the structures, though there was lots of heartache in that, it was the life we have and we support.  And I was immediately reminded of how precious it is when we couldn’t find a way to get to our sweet boys who were, in our minds, trapped in their stalls and possibly being flooded out.

On our property, there are three ways to get to the horse stalls.   The main, everyday one we use, is a crossover our DRY creek bed into the part of the property that our Father in Law is building on and where the horse barn is.  That road was not a road any longer but a giant fast flowing creek that we couldn’t swim across let alone drive across.  The other way is a private road that runs along the side of our property, which, we also couldn’t get across as it had been washed out and was one giant damn lake/creek/flowing river.  The last way is at the very back of our property, along our fence line, is a rocky path that was also a fast running creek (that usually doesn’t have a drop of water in it).

Out of all our options this last one was the only viable one as we felt we could use the gap fence in order to cross over.  At the deepest point it was up to our heads, but for whatever reason, we didn’t hesitate to grab on and swim/walk over the fence line to check on the horses…who were thankfully not in any flood path and were doing fine.
On our walk to cross back over, so overwhelmed with gratitude that the horses were ok, I was able to receive a message I needed to hear; don’t forget what is really important, even while building out big dreams.

We are, right now, in clean up and praying mode.  Most repairs have been done (yay!) and although it is still raining, we are hopeful that we won’t see further flooding at this point and are busy planning how to minimize damages in the future (pipes, bridges, etc) as well as continue the clean up and repairs.

Yesterday was awful.  But it was kinda beautiful too.  My husband is amazing, as is the entire team (Sid, Josh & Robin) who pulled together and never once doubted that we could turn it all around.  And thank you, so much, to everyone who sent us such uplifting messages on Instagram and via text, etc.  One in particular, from my cousin, who said “knowing you guys, you’ll have it up and running soon.  Remember you built that ranch from the ground up.  It can’t be worse than that”.  I read it just after checking on the horses and it was exactly what I needed to hear.   Not to mention being reminded by several people: “thank goodness you didn’t have a retreat or guests staying!”.  Yes, thank goodness.  Though we do have emergency plans in place for our yurt folks if storms come in, as mother nature has surely shown us who is in charge around here.  In addition we changed out some things on the yurts that we feel will enable them to be even stronger and better (kinda like what happens to us when we get knocked down).   And we are still busy planning on adding more amenities and accommodations (I mean, we can’t let the damn storms take us down, ya know?).

Thank you, deeply, for all the encouragement, faith and support.  It means the world to us.  And now I am off to pick up the pieces and continue on.

PS- we wanna send out some amazing praise and appreciation for the first retreat held here by Kim DeMoss– the 17 women that came to share and connect were so uplifting to us- we are humbled by their trust in us and blessed by their time with us!

And we also had our first VRBO guests last weekend and it was truly magical.  Meeting new people and getting to see them enjoy the ranch is something we can’t put into words.  

We’re so looking forward to your visit with us too (don’t worry..if mother nature is still a little emotional, we can make space in our house for ya 😉