The clock is showing 4:10am. It is time to get up and start another day. But, today, unlike yesterday, there is a ball…a knot really, of anxiousness mixed with dread in my stomach. It feels heavy. It is hard to breathe deeply. I feel afraid. Blinking hard and trying to fully wake, I ask myself, “what the fu$%?”.. internally of course..I don’t want to wake the husband. My body feels heavy even. The thought of getting up, of swinging my legs over the side of the bed, and then walking sounds like a bad idea. I ask myself again, “what is wrong?!”. There is no answer. That is the scary part. There is no real answer.
I have heard it said, about other people, “what does she (or he) have to worry about? Their life is perfect”. And it is during this morning that I think of this. That people probably say that about me. And my life is perfect. I have amazing children. The best husband. A beautiful home. A job I love. And yet. Somedays…I worry. I fret. I am anxious, fearful and down. For no reason at all.
It is because of this, and other health obstacles, that I started my company in the first place. To find, connect and help others who face similar situations (as they too, help me). To cry about it and then move out of that space and into a space of healing, growth and fully embracing our complete brutiful selves.
How does one move out of the space of fear and anxiousness?
Acknowledge, Thank and Release
When we feel negative emotions, especially without a trigger (though with a trigger as well), we tend to beat ourselves up. To try to ignore it and shove it away and tell ourselves mean things like, “don’t be ridiculous”, “you are being stupid”, etc. This is a surefire way to continue to feel bad- and for longer. You want to acknowledge how you feel. Take a moment to still yourself and feel all the sensations your body is sending you. Then, consider thanking your body and mind for these emotions, “thank you for trying to protect me from harm”. Because that is typically what drives our negative emotions and feelings, it is a fight or flight response, so thank your body for trying to protect you (even from unknown or non-existent evils). Lastly, breathe it out. Inhale deeply, hold your breath for a count of 4 (while picturing all the negative energy attracted to that held breath) and then as you release say to yourself, “I feel peace and calm”. Do this several times.
Focus on Gratitude
This sounds simple. It is. But it is not easy. When your life is tough, when your life is perfect, when your life is just happening around you- whatever it looks like, when you are in a space of fear and anxiousness, it is hard to move past the physical and emotional overload and into a place of gratitude. But you must. You do it, even if your body and mind don’t believe it yet. You journal. You meditate (a guided meditation through Insight Timer can really, REALLY help). You continuously tell yourself; I am grateful for… and think of everything, anything. The breath you take. Your beating heart. The sun. Just list and focus. It is scientifically proven that if you focus on gratitude, it will shift your physical being to a place of peace and joy. Eventually.
Keep Showing Up
Regardless of what has prompted us to be a place of fear, dread, anxiousness- it is important to not stay there. Even physically. It is important to show up, even if we don’t think we can. Even if it is so effin hard. Even if we don’t believe ourselves. We still focus on gratitude. We still breathe, and release. We still get our asses out of bed. We start with one foot, and then the other. It doesn’t have to look or feel perfect. Watch your words. What you complain about, you bring about. Even if you are not feeling 100%, you say things like, “I am feeling more joyful every moment”, “I am feeling more peaceful”, “I am full of love and gratitude”. You say it. You focus on it. One foot, then the other.
Peace, love & namaste
P.S.- I also watch comedies and drink
lot’s of wine.