Sitting in this cushy lounge chair I glance at the gentleman next to me. He is trying to pretend he doesn’t notice me, so I quickly look away so he is not uncomfortable. Or maybe so I am not uncomfortable; either way I look away. I look at my arm instead, which is connected to a needle that is connected to a hose that is connected to a bag suspended from the ceiling. Same as the man next to me. Though I believe his bag might have different stuff in it cause his stuff is a different color than my stuff.
When my anxiety was getting to a crippling point, I was searching for answers everywhere. And so many places I looked said, mediation. The problem was, who the hell has time to mediate, AND, when we try it doesn’t really help anyhow. Right? There is an old zen adage that says, “You should sit in mediation every day for twenty minutes, unless you’re too busy—then you should sit for an hour.” Yet, what happens if we think its not really for us, or that we will suck at it?
The clock is showing 4:10am. It is time to get up and start another day. But, today, unlike yesterday, there is a ball…a knot really, of anxiousness mixed with dread in my stomach. It feels heavy. It is hard to breathe deeply. I feel afraid. Blinking hard and trying to fully wake, I ask myself, “what the fu$%?”.. internally of course..I don’t want to wake the husband. My body feels heavy even. The thought of getting up, of swinging my legs over the side of the bed, and then walking sounds like a bad idea.
It’s hot. Like, not normal hot, but the kind of hot I’d imagine the first step into hell would be. Maybe the second step. Shit, how many steps to hell are there…? It is all of those steps. I am choking on sweat and the dust swirling around me. Dust from the dry cracked earth that I am slowly dragging pieces of as each foot is barely hoisted up and slightly planted an inch further.
Have you ever been in a weird mood? A bad one, sad one, a funk- and you are not even sure why? No energy, don’t wanna do jack and overall feel blah? If you have, I feel you completely- and I think most people do too (at least at some point in their life). Listed below are ten things you can do to get out of a funk, however, I do know the hardest part is DOING any of the ten. Just pick one. One…and give it a shot. Then maybe another.
If you know me at all, even a little bit, you know that I USED to have an intense fear of flying. I mean intense. Like the kind of fear….(insert shame face here) where I would take prescribed medication, time it just so, drink a glass (or three) of wine, and pour myself into a seat on the plane- unconscious for the flight. So dangerous by the way (imagine an emergency and I can’t really function….).
As I was filming for my coaching program, I spent some time with my clients on being more present and what that means. Why is it even important? Being more present is something that I too struggle with. I am constantly planning. Planning the next retreat, and the one after and the workshop after and then if it’s not business related, then I am planning our family events. Planning bring me joy, for sure, but I am constantly living in the future and excited about what is to come. I forget about what is happening right now.
I wasn’t going to tell anyone. But I have to get it out there! I WON THE LOTTO! I am not a big lotto player. As a matter of fact, the day I played, and won, was the first time I had ever played. Why wouldn’t I spend $10 for a chance at BILLIONS? When I walked into the store to buy the ticket I KNEW I was going to win. Like, I felt it in ever fiber of my being. I even made a list of what I was going to do with the winnings on my phone.
One of my LIFELONG goals is to have a positive disposition about life. I have failed miserably at this more than I have succeeded, but I strive each day for a positive outlook, no matter what the situation is. Especially when I see a young mother of three, who lost both of her hands and feet to a terrible freak infection, show up to my CrossFit gym and kick ass- with a smile. That is like life throwing a big ass heavy ball at you and saying, “so there, now shut up and get your mind right”.